Wanting to do something and actually doing it are separated by one thing: the heart to keep going.
I've tried and tried to get back to writing, to work on my books, to keep going. But I had lost heart.
When I published The Prophecy, I gained and lost. I had lost the drive, the desire, to put myself out there again, to try. I wanted this journey as "author" to be smooth, successful and perfect. I wanted it to be fabulous. And fun.
But it wasn't. Nothing specific stole my heart. It was a slow seeping sensation, compounded by my fear of failure. Fear of being just another writer. Fear of people hating my second book, or worse - thinking it mediocre. And it got easier and easier to make excuses for why I wasn't writing. The kids. Work. Summer. Life.
I had coffee with a dear friend yesterday, and she reminded me of something very important. "We need to create," she said. "We must. It's who we are."
She's right. I must. And so I do.
I am happy to report that I am finally moving forward again. I am getting excited. I am getting up early, before the sun and the kids, to write and edit and plot.
And my heart is changing. It's beating faster. It's pumping when I get to a good part. It's coming back, and I didn't realize until today how much I had missed it.